Figuring it all out...kind of

Well folks, I went in to my apartment leasing office today and double-checked to see when my lease goes up and as of July 31st, I will no longer be a resident of Norman, Oklahoma. Wow, what a crazy set of emotions that brings! 

And I completely realize that I've known all along that I would be leaving Norman very, very soon, but having an exact date really lets it sink in that my days are numbered and that the next phase of life is looming ever closer. And I'm so ready for it!

Not to keep on changing my mind constantly, because I know my mood swings are giving you guys some killer whip-lash, but I have officially and finally decided 100% that I want, above all else, to get accepted into the Spain masters program. Which is going to be a bitch if I don't get accepted, but there's no turning back now. But it's a good thing that I've finally made my mind up, because it's really helped me get motivated to tie up lots of loose ends and get all the application stuff taken care of. So now, hopefully, I'll get everything done and sent off in time and I'll have a killer application that will get me selected! Woo hoo!

As to the day-to-day life for now, things are alright. I still hate my job with a passion and I've literally started counting down the days until this internship is over with. I'm not kidding ya'll, I set a stopwatch every day I go in to work that is set for when I get to go home. That's not normal, right? 

And I can't lie, I'm just waiting for them to give me a reason to quit. And I've got these huge, gratifying scenarios that have started growing in my head of just how I'm going to quit. Most of them revolving around me punching the CEO in the face and shoving the damn phone down my boss' throat. (not literally of course, cause that would just be gross) And somehow, those little mental images help me get through the day. :)

So I'm pretty much always working for the weekend. Which isn't a bad thing, I guess. But it just really makes me hope beyond all else that, when the time comes, I find a job that I actually enjoy going in to.

Aaaaaanyways, that's really all I've got for now. On a side note, I've been stocking up on books lately, and as of now I've got a mound of about 8 books that I'm pumped about diving into. 

Wow, I'm getting lame in my old age...

A few more things about me

I think we've all done, or at least seen, these "25 things about me" lists rotating around facebook. And I've actually already done one while bored at work one day. But I was bored at home today, and thought to myself about how there are SO many more things that are really interesting about me. So here you go, a few more little bits and pieces of what makes me who I am:

1. When I'm out with my foreign friends, I often pretend like I'm from a European country so that I won't seem boring.

2. I have the biggest sweet tooth in the entire world and I have a complete lack of ability to turn down any kind of cookie, brownie, cake, or ice cream. :/

3. I am the farthest thing from a music snob in the entire world. I don't care if your favorite music is Relient K, Celine Dion, Pantera, Garth Brooks, or Elton John. I believe in listening to what makes you feel good. (However, I miiiiight judge you juuuuust a little if you listen to Creed)

4. If I could do college all over again, there are definitely a few tweaks and changes I would make here and there, but for the most part, I would do it all the same.

5. I own every single book that Christopher Moore has ever written, including his book that was just released this week. I would say I have a borderline obsession with his writing, which is most definitely not for everyone.

6. I waste a ridiculous amount of time youtubing, facebooking, and generally finding websites that I find funny and/or amusing. And I always make sure to share the particularly good ones with anyone that I think would be interested.

7. I freaking love to laugh. Like hard enough that it makes me cry. Make me laugh and I'll love you forever.

8. Any animal with an unnatural amount of legs/extra appendages creeps the f out of me. This includes, but is not limited to, spiders, crabs, scorpions, grasshoppers, octopi, and centipedes.

9. I very rarely watch much tv, but lately I've been watching the crap out of HGTV. Don't judge me. But I could literally watch House Hunters and Property Virgins for hours on end. It gets me excited to move somewhere and get my own place.

10. I feel like I go through so many personal changes/developments that I can't even begin to fathom the kind of person I will be in 20 years.

11. I get horrible road rage. A lady cut me off just last night and stole my parking spot at Target and I legitimately considered keying her car. It's a weakness, I know.

12. One of my absolute biggest pet peeves in the world is people who use racial slurs and derogatory statements. If I ever hear you say a discriminatory remark against any person/particular group of people, I will automatically think considerably less of you.

13. I'm horrible at dating. For real. I think I was born without the good boyfriend gene.

14. I kind of wish that I felt more connected to my fraternity. I honestly doubt I will keep in touch with that many guys from my house and that makes me really sad. It's not that it wasn't great while it lasted, and I loved it while I was there, but I just don't feel it anymore.

15. I'm definitely a summer person. I have no desire whatsoever to live somewhere where it snows year round. Which is interesting, because my job hunt keeps leading me to cities in the north.

16. Really good, meaningful music lyrics really make emotional. Don't be surprised to see me tear up during "I'm Taking You With Me" by Relient K. 

17. I have recently acquired a slight potty mouth. And I'm not sure where the hell it came from.

18. People who condemn other people by using the Bible to justify their actions make me sick. Seriously. What ever happened to loving each other? 

19. I have a superhuman sense of smell. I can smell when any of my neighbors are smoking anywhere around my building. Which is actually not a good thing.

20. I have this really inexplicable desire to move to Boston even though I've never been there. Or anywhere in the northeast (except for NYC) for that matter.

21. I love to drive and super-long road trips are some of my favorite things in this world. My road trip buddies always assume that I just don't trust them to drive my car, but really it's just that I like being behind the wheel.

And I didn't feel like going to 25, so that's all you get.

A little more optimism

You know, sometimes it's hard to be optimistic and positive. And, let's be honest, at times I can be a little over-dramatic. And even though I was having just a bit of a crisis, I went a little overboard in that last post with the "my life is crazier than anything else in the entire world" bit.

In any case, things still aren't perfect and I still don't have any real direction, but I've found myself being hopeful again. Maybe because I made a few changes. Maybe because we all have to freak out every once in a while. Regardless, I'm looking at the blank canvas in front of me with excitement again rather than fear.

Speaking of changes, I decided to drop all my classes. What the heck was I thinking enrolling in classes after graduating? You can't tell me a single college student who wants to study for more tests when they are completely arbitrary and useless. So I gave class the ax. And now I am truly done with college. And that's a nice feeling. 

I have decided to go ahead and apply for the Spain program since I still don't know for sure what I really want to do. If I don't get accepted, it won't be the end of the world. And if I do get accepted, well, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I've gotta say though, there are worse things to do than to spend a year in Spain.

I've also started applying for about a hundred jobs all over the country. I think the main place I've been focused on has been Boston, but I'm so open to go anywhere. I don't know if I want to stay gone from this area of the country forever, but I know it would be nice to get away for awhile.

Anyway, on to more important things....my nephew's 2nd birthday was this last week and the party of the year took place in Calvin, Oklahoma to celebrate it. Everyone who is anyone was there. And here are some of the photos snapped by the paparazzi:

Here the new 2 year old is sporting a smashing Mickey Mouse ensemble with his Finding Nemo ball accessory.

And here we see the little guy diving into the icing from the birthday cake.

And here we see the lucky little fella in the arms of the coolest guy in the entire world.

So anyway, that's really all I've got for now. Things definitely aren't bad and even though I'm still trying my hardest to get everything figured out, I'm a lot more optimistic about it all.

And just as a side not, all of this written to the blaring sounds of smooth jazz coming from my next door neighbors. Hey, at least it's not techno.

The Right Direction

Okay, before I get started with this, let me just throw out a quick little disclaimer. This is going to be a venting session that probably won't have much significance for anyone but me, and it's likely that the horribly foul mood I'm in right now will give it a slightly bleak undertone. If you read it, good for you! If not, it's probably for the better, haha. Regardless, no matter what you choose, at least you can't say I didn't warn you.

So. To begin, I would just like to say that I am almost undoubtedly, 99.9% sure that I am going through a quarter-life crisis. No joke, people. I have realized lately that I am not at all happy with the direction that things are going and I have no clue what to do about it. And I have no clue where to go from here.

When I mention the direction of things, I don't really mean anything specifically. I guess I mean more of a lack of direction. I have been so accustomed for my entire life to having a meaning and a purpose to everything I do. I have never been without goals and direction. In fact, I've always set super-high goals for myself and then worked my butt off to achieve them. But I'm grasping at the air these days. I've got nothing. Which way do I go?

It also doesn't help that so much bad stuff has taken place. (and before I go any further, I want to acknowledge that there are literally billions of people in the world have have things FAR worse than I do. But it's hard to look past my own bubble when my future is on the line) I applied for a job that I really, really, really wanted and didn't even get an interview. I realized that I might not want to go to grad school right now after all, which was really my only plan for the coming year. I realized that I have no idea why I am taking classes right now and that I have zero motivation for them. And I realized that the internship I'm working right now is the most god-awful thing I've ever done and that I am TERRIFIED that I will have to take a job with them after I finish.

I also realized lately that I am so done with OU and that I can't wait to get out of here. Apparently it's a shared sentiment with several of my fellow fifth years. The first 4 years of college were such an amazing time in my life and ones that will always, always hold an extremely fond place inside me. But things just aren't the way they used to be. And I'm ready for the next phase to finally begin. Which is actually why I'm kinda leaning towards not doing grad school just yet. I just don't think I can handle more of an academic atmosphere. And that was a sad realization.

Or maybe it's just that I want a sense of stability in my life. Who knows.

No matter what it is, apparently I'm not too good at hiding my feelings. Walking to class today, I ran into an old friend who, upon seeing me for the first time in months, asked me if everything was okay. Also, Erin had to explain to some other people who don't know me as quite as well as she does that I kind of become a hermit when I stress out and that I'm "not handling graduation and everything all that well." Hmmm. I guess I'm just not handling the stress all that well lately.

In any case, I think all this stress will go away once I just figure out what I'm doing after May. Because right now it's just a big blank. And I hate that. 

I just need some direction.

Jordan = Worst Blogger in the World

For real guys. I suck at this.

However, I have a ton of good stuff to post about. All about my life these days and all of the crazy things that have gone on lately. Including me having to do a field sobriety test on Lindsey Street while completely sober. 

**coughcoughNORMANCOPSAREDOUCHEBAGScoughcough**

But anyway, I really don't have the time to write a long post and really put effort into it. So I'm going to save it for another day. But just know I do have a new one in the works.

The only thing that I currently have on my mind that I want to get down though is this. I am completely, 100% ready for change. I'm glad I had last semester to give me some time to disconnect but now I can honestly say I'm ready to move on. Bring on the next phase.

Now if only I knew what that next phase was. :/